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Thread: The Official Jokes Thread

  1. #361
    To teach my kids about democracy, I let them vote on what we would have for dinner. They voted for pizza. I made corned beef and cabbage because we don’t live in a swing state.

    Pete (stole that from another forum)

  2. #362
    Last night, the wife wanted to "play doctor", so I made her wait in the hallway for an hour.

    Pete (then charged her $200 to tell her she was fine)

  3. #363
    A boy was walking home alone late one night when he heard, bump... Bump... BUMP... behind him.

    He turned around and made out the image of an upright coffin banging its way through the fog towards him.

    bump... Bump... BUMP...

    Terrified, the boy ran towards his home, with the coffin bouncing quickly behind him, faster...faster...

    bump... Bump... BUMP...

    He got home, went through the door, slammed and locked it behind him.

    Still he heard bump... Bump... BUMP...

    With a loud CRASH the coffin broke down the door, bumping and BUMPING towards him.

    The boy rushed upstairs to the bathroom, his heart is pounding, and reached for something, anything, but all he could find is a bottle of cough syrup.

    Desperate, he threw the cough syrup at the coffin!!

    And the coffin stopped.

    Pete (grins)

  4. #364
    Ow! My Balls! Put Master
    Mr. Raceboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Plezercruz View Post
    A boy was walking home alone late one night when he heard, bump... Bump... BUMP... behind him.

    He turned around and made out the image of an upright coffin banging its way through the fog towards him.

    bump... Bump... BUMP...

    Terrified, the boy ran towards his home, with the coffin bouncing quickly behind him, faster...faster...

    bump... Bump... BUMP...

    He got home, went through the door, slammed and locked it behind him.

    Still he heard bump... Bump... BUMP...

    With a loud CRASH the coffin broke down the door, bumping and BUMPING towards him.

    The boy rushed upstairs to the bathroom, his heart is pounding, and reached for something, anything, but all he could find is a bottle of cough syrup.

    Desperate, he threw the cough syrup at the coffin!!

    And the coffin stopped.

    Pete (grins)
    We are doing groaners now? LOL, okay!

    Did you hear about the guy who lost the entire left side of his body in an accident? … don’t worry…..he’s all right now.
    "Democracy is a form of worship. It is the worship of jackals by jackasses." H.L. Mencken

  5. #365
    Strong Putter Strong Put
    Ronny's Avatar
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    Lady bought a talking parrot. It was a refugee from a defunct house of ill repute. Took it home and put it on it’s perch.
    Parrot says “New house, new madam”.
    Lady was a little concerned, but then thought, “that wasn’t too bad”.
    Then her 2 daughters walked in.
    Parrot says “New house, new madam, new girls”.
    Lady is still a little concerned, but decides it’s alright.
    Husband walks in.
    Parrot says “Hi, Keith”.
    At the precipice, we change!
    The problem with Capitalism is that humans run it.

  6. #366
    Database Error Put Master
    Jester's Avatar
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    If life gives you melons...

    Then you have dyslexia.
    They speak in bulletpointese leftist nutjob drivel. It doesn't matter. Nothing is as great a motivator as the chance to truly be free.
    -Mr. Raceboy

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